Go There — I Don't Know Where, Bring That — I Don't Know What
In a certain kingdom, there once lived a king who was unmarried. Serving him was an archer named Andrey.One day, Andrey the archer went hunting. He wandered through the forest all day but had no luck—he couldn’t find any game. As evening approached, he was on his way back, feeling dejected. Suddenly, he saw a turtledove sitting on a tree.
"Let me at least shoot this one," he thought.
He shot and wounded the bird—it fell from the tree onto the damp ground. Andrey picked it up and was about to wring its neck and put it in his bag when the turtledove spoke to him in a human voice:
"Do not kill me, Andrey the archer. Do not take my life. Take me home alive, place me on the windowsill, and when I begin to doze off, strike me with your right hand. You will gain great happiness."
Andrey was astonished. What was this? It looked like a bird, yet it spoke with a human voice. He took the turtledove home, placed it on the windowsill, and waited.
After a while, the turtledove tucked its head under its wing and dozed off. Remembering its words, Andrey struck it with his right hand. The bird fell to the ground and transformed into a maiden, Marya the princess, so beautiful that it was beyond imagination—only in a fairy tale could such beauty exist.
Marya the princess said to the archer:
"You have managed to take me; now you must keep me. Let us have a quiet wedding feast. I will be your faithful and joyful wife."
And so they agreed. Andrey the archer married Marya the princess and lived happily with his young wife. But he did not forget his duties: every morning, at the crack of dawn, he went to the forest, hunted game, and brought it to the royal kitchen.
They lived like this for a short while until Marya the princess said:
"You live poorly, Andrey!"
"Yes, as you can see."
"Go and get a hundred rubles, buy some silk with it, and I will set things right."
Andrey obeyed. He went to his friends, borrowed a ruble here, two there, bought various silks, and brought them to his wife. Marya the princess took the silk and said:
"Go to sleep; the morning is wiser than the evening."
Andrey went to bed, and Marya the princess sat down to weave. She worked all night and created a carpet unlike any ever seen in the world: on it, the entire kingdom was depicted, with cities and villages, forests and fields, birds in the sky, beasts in the mountains, and fish in the seas; the sun and moon moved across the sky...
In the morning, Marya the princess gave the carpet to her husband:
"Take it to the marketplace and sell it to the merchants. But do not set a price—take whatever they offer."
Andrey took the carpet, hung it over his arm, and went to the marketplace.
A merchant approached him:
"Tell me, good man, how much are you asking?"
"You are a merchant; you set the price."
The merchant thought and thought but could not appraise the carpet. Another merchant came, then another. A large crowd of merchants gathered, marveling at the carpet but unable to determine its value.
At that moment, the king's advisor was passing by the marketplace. Curious about the commotion, he stepped out of his carriage, pushed through the crowd, and asked:
"Greetings, merchants, foreign guests! What is the matter here?"
"Such and such, we cannot appraise this carpet."
The king's advisor looked at the carpet and was amazed:
"Tell me, archer, tell me the truth: where did you get such a marvelous carpet?"
"My wife wove it."
"How much do you want for it?"
"I don’t know myself. My wife told me not to haggle—take whatever is offered."
"Well, here you go, archer—ten thousand rubles."
Andrey took the money, handed over the carpet, and went home. The king's advisor went to the king and showed him the carpet.
The king looked at it—his entire kingdom was depicted as if in the palm of his hand. He gasped:
"Whatever you want, but I won’t give this carpet back!"
The king took out twenty thousand rubles and handed them to the advisor. The advisor took the money and thought, "No matter, I’ll order another one, even better."
He got back into his carriage and rode to the settlement. He found the hut where Andrey the archer lived and knocked on the door. Marya the princess opened it. The king's advisor stepped one foot over the threshold but couldn’t bring himself to step the other. He stood there, speechless, forgetting his purpose: such beauty stood before him that he couldn’t tear his eyes away.
Marya the princess waited for an answer, then turned the advisor around by the shoulders and closed the door. He barely came to his senses and reluctantly trudged home. From that moment on, he couldn’t eat or drink—all he could think about was the archer’s wife.
The king noticed this and began to inquire about the advisor’s sorrow.
The advisor said to the king:
"Ah, I saw the wife of an archer, and I can’t stop thinking about her! I can’t eat, I can’t drink, no potion can cure this."
The king grew curious and decided to see the archer’s wife for himself. He dressed in simple clothes, went to the settlement, found the hut where Andrey the archer lived, and knocked on the door. Marya the princess opened it. The king stepped one foot over the threshold but couldn’t bring himself to step the other. He stood there, completely speechless: indescribable beauty stood before him.
Marya the princess waited for an answer, then turned the king around by the shoulders and closed the door.
The king’s heart ached with longing. "Why," he thought, "am I unmarried? I should marry this beauty! It is not her fate to be an archer’s wife; she is destined to be a queen."
The king returned to the palace and devised an evil plan—to take the wife from her living husband. He summoned the advisor and said:
"Think of a way to get rid of Andrey the archer. I want to marry his wife. If you succeed, I will reward you with cities, villages, and gold. If you fail, I will have your head."
The royal advisor grew despondent, hung his head, and walked away. He couldn't think of a way to get rid of the archer. In his sorrow, he stopped by a tavern to drown his troubles in wine.
A ragged tavern hooligan approached him:
"Why so glum, royal advisor? Why the long face?"
"Go away, you tavern scoundrel!"
"Don't chase me away. Better pour me a glass of wine, and I'll give you some advice."
The royal advisor poured him a glass of wine and shared his woes.
The tavern hooligan said:
"Getting rid of Andrey the Archer isn't so hard—he's simple, but his wife is very cunning. But we'll set him a riddle she won't be able to solve. Go back to the king and tell him to send Andrey to the afterlife to find out how the late king, his father, is doing. Andrey will go and never return."
The royal advisor thanked the tavern hooligan and rushed to the king:
"So and so," he said, "we can get rid of the archer."
And he explained where Andrey should be sent and why. The king was delighted and ordered Andrey to be summoned.
"Well, Andrey, you've served me faithfully. Do me one more service: go to the afterlife and find out how my father is doing. Otherwise, my sword will separate your head from your shoulders."
Andrey returned home, sat on the bench, and hung his head. Princess Marya asked him:
"Why so sad? Has something gone wrong?"
Andrey told her about the task the king had given him. Princess Marya said:
"Nothing to grieve about! This isn't a task—it's a trifle. The real task is yet to come. Go to sleep; the morning is wiser than the evening."
Early in the morning, as soon as Andrey woke up, Princess Marya gave him a bag of dried bread and a golden ring.
"Go to the king and ask for the royal advisor as your companion. Otherwise, they won't believe you've been to the afterlife. And when you set off with your companion, throw the ring ahead of you—it will lead the way."
Andrey took the bag of dried bread and the ring, bid farewell to his wife, and went to the king to ask for a traveling companion. The king had no choice but to agree and ordered the advisor to go with Andrey to the afterlife.
So the two of them set off. Andrey threw the ring—it rolled ahead, and Andrey followed it through fields, marshes, rivers, and lakes, with the royal advisor trailing behind.
When they grew tired, they ate some dried bread and continued on their way. Whether it was near or far, soon or not, they came to a dense, dark forest, descended into a deep ravine, and there the ring stopped.
Andrey and the royal advisor sat down to eat some dried bread. Suddenly, they saw two devils driving an old, decrepit king, pulling a huge cart of firewood. The devils were whipping the king with clubs, one from the left, the other from the right.
Andrey said:
"Look, isn't that our late king-father?"
"You're right, that's him hauling firewood."
Andrey shouted to the devils:
"Hey, gentlemen devils! Release this poor soul for a little while. I need to ask him something."
The devils replied:
"Do we have time to wait? Should we haul the firewood ourselves?"
"Take a fresh man in his place."
So the devils unhitched the old king and hitched the royal advisor to the cart instead, whipping him with clubs from both sides—he bent under the strain but kept hauling.
Andrey began questioning the old king about his life.
"Ah, Andrey the Archer," the king replied, "my life on the other side is miserable! Bow to my son and tell him I strictly forbid him to mistreat people, or the same will happen to him."
They had just finished talking when the devils returned with an empty cart. Andrey bid farewell to the old king, took the royal advisor from the devils, and they set off on their return journey.
They arrived back in their kingdom and went to the palace. The king saw the archer and angrily confronted him:
"How dare you return?"
Andrey the Archer replied:
"So and so, I went to the afterlife to see your late father. He lives poorly and sends his regards. He strictly forbade you to mistreat people."
"And how can you prove you went to the afterlife and saw my father?"
"I can prove it by the marks on your advisor's back from where the devils whipped him with clubs."
The king was convinced and had no choice but to let Andrey go home. Then he said to the advisor:
"Think of a way to get rid of the archer, or my sword will separate your head from your shoulders."
The royal advisor left, hanging his head even lower. He went into a tavern, sat at a table, and ordered wine. The tavern hooligan approached him:
"Why so glum, royal advisor? Pour me a glass, and I'll give you some advice."
The advisor poured him a glass of wine and shared his troubles. The tavern hooligan said:
"Go back and tell the king to set the archer an impossible task—one so difficult it's hard even to imagine: send him beyond thrice-nine lands, to the thirtieth kingdom, to capture the cat Bayun..."
The royal advisor ran to the king and told him what task to set the archer so he would never return. The king summoned Andrey.
- Well, Andrei, you've done me a service, now do me another: go to the Thirtieth Kingdom and fetch me Bayun the Cat. Otherwise, my sword will separate your head from your shoulders.
Andrei went home, his head hanging low, and told his wife about the task the king had given him.
- What's there to fret about! - said Marya the Princess. - This isn't a task, it's a trifle. The real task lies ahead. Go to sleep, morning is wiser than evening.
Andrei went to bed, and Marya the Princess went to the forge and ordered the blacksmiths to make three iron caps, iron tongs, and three rods: one of iron, one of copper, and one of tin.
Early in the morning, Marya the Princess woke Andrei:
- Here are three caps, tongs, and three rods. Go beyond the thrice-nine lands, to the Thirtieth Kingdom. Three versts before you reach it, a deep sleep will overcome you—Bayun the Cat will cast drowsiness upon you. Don't fall asleep, keep your arms and legs moving, and if you must, roll like a log. If you fall asleep, Bayun the Cat will kill you.
And then Marya the Princess taught him what to do and sent him on his way.
The tale is told quickly, but the deed is not done so fast—Andrei the Archer reached the Thirtieth Kingdom. Three versts away, sleep began to overpower him. Andrei put on the three iron caps, kept his arms and legs moving, and where necessary, rolled like a log.
Somehow he endured the drowsiness and found himself at a tall pillar.
Bayun the Cat saw Andrei, growled, hissed, and leapt from the pillar onto his head—shattering one cap, then another, and was about to grab the third. But Andrei the Archer seized the cat with the tongs, dragged it to the ground, and began to beat it with the rods. First he struck with the iron rod, which broke; then he used the copper rod, which also broke; finally, he beat it with the tin rod.
The tin rod bent but did not break, wrapping around the cat's back. Andrei kept beating, while Bayun the Cat began to tell tales: about priests, deacons, and priests' daughters. Andrei paid no heed, just kept striking with the rod.
The cat couldn't bear it any longer and pleaded:
- Let me go, good man! I'll do whatever you ask.
- Will you come with me?
- I'll go wherever you want.
Andrei set off on his return journey, leading the cat behind him. He reached his kingdom, entered the palace with the cat, and said to the king:
- So and so, I've completed your task and brought you Bayun the Cat.
The king was amazed and said:
- Well, Bayun the Cat, show us your great power.
The cat sharpened its claws, aimed them at the king, ready to tear open his white chest and rip out his living heart.
The king was terrified:
- Andrei the Archer, please, calm Bayun the Cat!
Andrei calmed the cat and locked it in a cage, then went home to Marya the Princess. He lived happily, enjoying life with his young wife. But the king's heartache grew worse. He summoned his advisor again:
- Think of something, get rid of Andrei the Archer, or my sword will separate your head from your shoulders.
The king's advisor went straight to the tavern, found a tavern drunk in a tattered coat, and asked him for advice. The tavern drunk drank a glass of wine, wiped his mustache, and said:
- Go to the king and tell him to send Andrei the Archer to go "there—I know not where" and bring back "that—I know not what." Andrei will never complete this task and will never return.
The advisor ran to the king and relayed the plan. The king summoned Andrei.
- You've done me two services, now do me a third: go "there—I know not where" and bring back "that—I know not what." If you succeed, I'll reward you royally; if not, my sword will separate your head from your shoulders.
Andrei returned home, sat on the bench, and wept. Marya the Princess asked him:
- What's wrong, my dear? Is there more trouble?
- Ah, - he said, - because of your beauty, I bear all these misfortunes! The king has ordered me to go "there—I know not where" and bring back "that—I know not what."
- Now that's a real task! Well, don't worry, go to sleep. Morning is wiser than evening.
Marya the Princess waited until nightfall, opened a magic book, read and read, then threw the book down and clutched her head: the book said nothing about the king's riddle. Marya the Princess went out to the porch, took out a handkerchief, and waved it. All sorts of birds flew in, and all sorts of animals came running.
Marya the Princess asked them:
- Forest beasts, birds of the sky—you beasts roam everywhere, you birds fly everywhere—have you heard how to go "there—I know not where" and bring back "that—I know not what"?
The beasts and birds replied:
- No, Marya the Princess, we haven't heard of such a thing.
Marya the Princess waved her handkerchief, and the beasts and birds disappeared as if they had never been. She waved it again, and two giants appeared before her:
- What do you need? What do you want?
- My faithful servants, carry me to the middle of the Ocean-Sea.
The giants lifted Marya the Princess and carried her to the Ocean-Sea, standing in the middle of the deepest abyss—they stood like pillars, holding her in their arms. Marya the Princess waved her handkerchief, and all the sea creatures and fish swam to her.
- You sea creatures and fish, you swim everywhere, you visit all the islands—have you heard how to go "there—I know not where" and bring back "that—I know not what"?
- No, Marya the Princess, we haven't heard of such a thing.
Marya the Princess grew sorrowful and ordered the giants to take her home. They carried her back and set her down at Andrei's courtyard, by the porch.
Early in the morning, Marya the Princess prepared Andrei for his journey and gave him a ball of thread and an embroidered towel.
- Throw the ball before you—wherever it rolls, follow it. And remember, wherever you go, when you wash, don't use anyone else's towel—use mine.
Andrei bid farewell to Marya the Princess, bowed to the four directions, and set off beyond the outpost. He threw the ball before him, and it rolled and rolled, with Andrei following behind.
The tale is told quickly, but the deed is not done so fast. Andrei passed through many kingdoms and lands. The ball rolled, the thread unraveling; the ball grew smaller, the size of a chicken's head; then it became so small it was barely visible on the road... Andrei reached a forest and saw a hut on chicken legs.
- Hut, hut, turn your front to me, your back to the forest!
The hut turned, and Andrei entered. He saw an old gray-haired woman sitting on a bench, spinning flax.
- Ugh, ugh, the Russian spirit has never been heard of, never been seen, and now the Russian spirit has come on its own. I’ll roast you in the oven, eat you, and roll on your bones.
Andrei replied to the old woman:
- What are you saying, old Baba Yaga? You’re going to eat a traveler? A traveler’s bones are tough and black. First, heat up the bathhouse, wash me, steam me, and then you can eat me.
Baba Yaga heated the bathhouse. Andrei steamed, washed himself, took out his wife’s embroidered kerchief, and began to dry himself with it.
Baba Yaga asked:
- Where did you get that kerchief? My daughter embroidered it.
- Your daughter is my wife, and she gave me the kerchief.
- Ah, my dear son-in-law, how shall I treat you?
Then Baba Yaga prepared dinner, laid out all kinds of dishes, wines, and meads. Andrei didn’t stand on ceremony—he sat down at the table and began to eat heartily. Baba Yaga sat beside him, eating and asking questions: how he married Tsarevna Marya, and whether they lived happily. Andrei told her everything: how he got married and how the tsar sent him there—I don’t know where—to fetch something—I don’t know what.
- If only you could help me, grandmother!
- Ah, my dear son-in-law, even I haven’t heard of such a wonder. Only an old frog knows about it; she has lived in the swamp for three hundred years... But never mind, go to sleep, morning is wiser than evening.
Andrei went to sleep, and Baba Yaga took two brooms, flew to the swamp, and called out:
- Grandmother, jumping frog, are you alive?
- I am.
- Come out of the swamp to me.
The old frog came out of the swamp, and Baba Yaga asked her:
- Do you know where that thing—I don’t know what—is?
- I do.
- Please, show me. My son-in-law has been given a task: to go there—I don’t know where—and fetch that—I don’t know what.
The frog replied:
- I would guide him, but I’m too old, I can’t jump that far. If your son-in-law carries me in warm milk to the fiery river, then I’ll tell him.
Baba Yaga took the jumping frog, flew home, milked a pot of warm milk, placed the frog in it, and woke Andrei early in the morning:
- Well, dear son-in-law, get dressed, take the pot of warm milk with the frog inside, and mount my horse. It will take you to the fiery river. There, leave the horse, take the frog out of the pot, and she will tell you what to do.
Andrei got dressed, took the pot, and mounted Baba Yaga’s horse. Whether it was a long or short journey, the horse carried him to the fiery river.
No beast could jump over it, no bird could fly across it.
Andrei dismounted, and the frog said to him:
- Take me out of the pot, good lad. We need to cross the river.
Andrei took the frog out of the pot and placed her on the ground.
- Now, good lad, sit on my back.
- What are you saying, grandmother? You’re so small, I’ll crush you.
- Don’t worry, you won’t crush me. Sit down and hold on tight.
Andrei sat on the jumping frog. She began to puff up. She puffed and puffed—until she became as big as a haystack.
- Are you holding on tight?
- Tight, grandmother.
Again the frog puffed up—she grew even bigger, like a hayrick.
- Are you holding on tight?
- Tight, grandmother.
Once more she puffed up—she grew taller than the dark forest, then she leaped—and jumped over the fiery river, carrying Andrei to the other side. Then she became small again.
- Go, good lad, along this path. You’ll see a tower—not a tower, a hut—not a hut, a shed—not a shed. Go inside and stand behind the stove. There you’ll find that thing—I don’t know what.
Andrei walked along the path and saw an old hut—not quite a hut, surrounded by a fence, without windows or a porch. He entered and hid behind the stove.
Soon after, there was a clatter and a rumble in the forest, and a tiny man entered the hut—his beard as long as an elbow. He shouted:
- Hey, friend Naum, I’m hungry!
As soon as he shouted, a table appeared out of nowhere, set with a barrel of beer and a roasted bull, with a sharp knife stuck in its side. The tiny man with the long beard sat by the bull, took the sharp knife, began to cut the meat, dipped it in garlic, ate, and praised the meal.
He finished the bull down to the last bone and drank the whole barrel of beer.
- Hey, friend Naum, clean up the leftovers!
And suddenly, the table vanished as if it had never been there—no bones, no barrel... Andrei waited until the little man with the tiny legs left, then stepped out from behind the stove, gathered his courage, and called out:
"Swat Naum, feed me..."
As soon as he called, out of nowhere, a table appeared, laden with various dishes, snacks, wines, and meads.
Andrei sat down at the table and said:
"Swat Naum, sit down, brother, with me, let's eat and drink together."
An invisible voice answered him:
"Thank you, kind man! For so many years I've served here, never even seen a burnt crust, and you've invited me to sit at the table."
Andrei looked around in amazement: no one was visible, but the food from the table seemed to disappear as if swept away by a broom, and the wines and meads poured themselves into the glass—the glass hopping, hopping, and hopping.
Andrei asked:
"Swat Naum, show yourself to me!"
"No, no one can see me, I am—I don't know what."
"Swat Naum, would you like to serve me?"
"Why not? You seem like a good man."
So they ate. Andrei then said:
"Well, clean up everything and come with me."
Andrei left the hut and looked back:
"Swat Naum, are you here?"
"Here. Don't worry, I won't leave you."
Andrei reached a fiery river, where a frog was waiting for him:
"Good lad, have you found the—I don't know what?"
"I have, grandma."
"Climb on me."
Andrei climbed on her again, the frog began to swell, swelled up, leaped, and carried him across the fiery river.
There, he thanked the leaping frog and went on his way to his kingdom. He walked and walked, turning back now and then.
"Swat Naum, are you here?"
"Here. Don't worry, I won't leave you."
Andrei walked and walked, the road was long—his swift feet grew tired, his white arms drooped.
"Ah," he said, "how exhausted I am!"
And Swat Naum said to him:
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have brought you there in no time."
A fierce whirlwind picked Andrei up and carried him—mountains and forests, towns and villages flashed below. Andrei flew over the deep sea, and fear gripped him.
"Swat Naum, let's rest!"
Immediately, the wind weakened, and Andrei began to descend toward the sea. He looked—where there had been only blue waves, an island appeared, and on the island stood a palace with a golden roof, surrounded by a beautiful garden... Swat Naum said to Andrei:
"Rest, eat, drink, and keep an eye on the sea. Three merchant ships will sail by. Invite the merchants and treat them well—they have three wonders. Trade me for those wonders—don't worry, I'll come back to you."
After some time, three ships appeared from the west. The sailors saw the island, the palace with the golden roof, and the beautiful garden.
"What a wonder!" they said. "How many times have we sailed here, and all we've seen is the blue sea. Let's dock!"
The three ships dropped anchor, and the three merchant-sailors got into a small boat and rowed to the island. Andrei the Archer greeted them:
"Welcome, dear guests."
The merchant-sailors marveled: the palace roof glowed like fire, birds sang in the trees, and wondrous animals leaped along the paths.
"Tell us, good man, who built this marvelous wonder?"
"My servant, Swat Naum, built it in one night."
Andrei led the guests into the palace:
"Hey, Swat Naum, bring us something to eat and drink!"
Out of nowhere, a set table appeared, laden with wines and dishes, whatever the heart desired. The merchant-sailors gasped.
"Let's trade," they said. "Good lad, give us your servant, Swat Naum, and take any of our wonders in exchange."
"Why not trade? But what are your wonders?"
One merchant pulled out a club from under his coat. Just say to it, "Hey, club, break this man's ribs!" and the club would start beating, breaking the ribs of any strongman.
Another merchant pulled out an axe from under his cloak, turned it upside down—and the axe began to chop: chop-chop, and a ship appeared; chop-chop, another ship. With sails, cannons, and brave sailors. The ships sailed, cannons fired, and the brave sailors awaited orders.
Turn the axe blade down—and the ships vanished, as if they had never been.
The third merchant pulled out a pipe from his pocket, blew into it—and an army appeared: cavalry and infantry, with rifles and cannons. The troops marched, music played, banners waved, riders galloped, awaiting orders.
The merchant blew into the other end of the pipe—and everything disappeared, as if it had never been.
Andrei the Archer said:
"Your wonders are good, but mine is more valuable."
"Do you want to trade? Then give me all three curiosities in exchange for my servant, matchmaker Naum."
"Isn't that too much?"
"As you wish, but I won't trade otherwise."
The merchants thought and thought: "What do we need a club, an axe, and a pipe for? It's better to trade. With matchmaker Naum, we'll be carefree day and night, well-fed and drunk."
So the merchant-shipmen gave Andrei the club, the axe, and the pipe, and shouted:
"Hey, matchmaker Naum, we're taking you with us! Will you serve us faithfully?"
An invisible voice answered them:
"Why not serve? It makes no difference to me who I live with."
The merchant-shipmen returned to their ships and began feasting—drinking, eating, and shouting:
"Matchmaker Naum, get moving, bring us this, bring us that!"
They all got drunk and fell asleep right where they sat.
Meanwhile, the archer sat alone in the tower, feeling downcast.
"Ah," he thought, "where is my faithful servant, matchmaker Naum, now?"
"I'm here. What do you need?"
Andrei was overjoyed:
"Matchmaker Naum, isn't it time for us to return to our homeland, to my young wife? Take me home."
Again, a whirlwind picked up Andrei and carried him to his kingdom, to his native land.
When the merchants woke up, they wanted to cure their hangovers:
"Hey, matchmaker Naum, gather us something to drink and eat, quick!"
No matter how much they called or shouted, it was no use. They looked around, and the island was gone—only blue waves roared in its place.
The merchant-shipmen lamented: "Ah, that wicked man tricked us!" But there was nothing they could do. They raised their sails and sailed off to wherever they needed to go.
Meanwhile, Andrei the archer flew to his homeland and landed near his little house. He looked around, but instead of his house, there was only a charred chimney sticking out.
He hung his head low and walked out of the city to the blue sea, to an empty spot. He sat down and stayed there. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a gray dove flew in, hit the ground, and turned into his young wife, Princess Marya.
They embraced, greeted each other, and began to ask and tell each other their stories.
Princess Marya said:
"Ever since you left home, I've been flying as a gray dove through the forests and groves. The king sent for me three times, but they couldn't find me, and they burned down our little house."
Andrei said:
"Matchmaker Naum, can we build a palace on this empty spot by the blue sea?"
"Why not? It will be done in a moment."
Before they knew it, a palace stood there—a splendid one, even better than the king's, surrounded by a green garden, with birds singing in the trees and wondrous beasts running along the paths.
Andrei the archer and Princess Marya entered the palace, sat by the window, and talked, admiring each other. They lived without a care, day after day.
Meanwhile, the king went hunting by the blue sea and saw a palace standing where there had been nothing before.
"Who is this insolent fool who dared to build on my land without permission?"
Messengers ran off, investigated, and reported to the king that the palace had been built by Andrei the archer, who lived there with his young wife, Princess Marya.
The king grew even angrier and sent messengers to find out if Andrei had gone to "I don't know where" and brought back "I don't know what."
The messengers ran off, investigated, and reported:
"Andrei the archer went to 'I don't know where' and brought back 'I don't know what.'"
At this, the king became furious. He ordered his army to gather and march to the seashore, to raze the palace to the ground and put Andrei the archer and Princess Marya to a cruel death.
When Andrei saw the strong army approaching, he quickly grabbed the axe and turned it upside down. The axe chopped once, twice—and a ship appeared on the sea. He chopped a hundred times, and a hundred ships sailed on the blue sea.
Andrei took out the pipe and blew into it—an army appeared: cavalry, infantry, with cannons and banners.
The commanders galloped up, awaiting orders. Andrei ordered the battle to begin. Music played, drums beat, and the regiments advanced. The infantry crushed the king's soldiers, the cavalry galloped and took prisoners. And from the hundred ships, cannons fired at the capital city.
The king saw his army fleeing and rushed to stop them. Then Andrei took out the club:
"Now, club, break this king's ribs!"
The club began spinning like a wheel, flipping end over end across the field. It caught up to the king and struck him on the forehead, killing him instantly.
And so the battle ended. The people poured out of the city and begged Andrei the archer to take control of the entire kingdom.
Andrei didn't argue. He threw a feast for the whole world, and together with Princess Marya, he ruled the kingdom until old age.
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