Mr. Grape

Mr. and Mrs. Grapevine lived in a wine bottle. One day, when Mr. Grapevine was away from home, Mrs. Grapevine decided to clean the house. She was a very good housewife and always cleaned and washed her home herself. But this time, she got so carried away that she didn’t notice how, with an awkward movement, she hit the wall with the brush, and the whole house—ding-ding!—shattered into pieces.
Mrs. Grapevine, beside herself, rushed to meet her husband.
"Mr. Grapevine, Mr. Grapevine!" she cried as soon as she saw him. "We’re ruined, completely ruined! I broke our house, and it’s shattered into tiny pieces!"
"Now, now, dear," said Mr. Grapevine, "calm down, let’s think about what to do next. Look, the door is intact! That’s already good. As they say, 'He who has a door has a home.' I’ll carry it on my back, and we’ll go out into the world to seek our fortune."
And so they went. They walked and walked all day, and by nightfall, they came to a dense forest. Both were very tired, and Mr. Grapevine said:
"Now I’ll climb up the tree, my dear, and tie our door there, and you climb up after me."
And so they did. They climbed the tree, lay down on the door, and immediately fell fast asleep.
In the middle of the night, Mr. Grapevine was awakened by voices. He looked down, and his heart sank with fear. A whole gang of thieves had gathered under the tree. They were dividing their loot.
"Look, Jack!" said one. "Here’s five pounds in gold for you. And for you, Bill, here’s ten. And for you, Bob, three pounds."
Mr. Grapevine couldn’t bear to listen any longer—it was too terrifying. He even began to tremble with fear, so much so that the door also shook, couldn’t hold, and fell right onto the thieves’ heads. They got scared and ran off. But Mr. Grapevine didn’t know this because, until dawn, he didn’t dare move a muscle.
In the morning, he finally got up—and what did he see under the tree? A whole pile of golden guineas!
"Come here quickly, Mrs. Grapevine!" he shouted. "Come quickly! We’re rich! We’re rich! Oh, hurry!"
Mrs. Grapevine hurried down from the tree, and when she saw the money, she jumped for joy.
"Now, my dear," she said, "I’ll tell you what to do. There’s a fair in the neighboring town. Take this money and buy a cow. I know how to make cheese and churn butter. You’ll sell them at the market, and we’ll live splendidly!"
Mr. Grapevine happily agreed, took the money—a whole forty guineas!—and went to the fair. He walked back and forth for a long time until he finally spotted an excellent red cow.
"Ah, if only I could have that cow," thought Mr. Grapevine. "Then I’d be the happiest man in the world!"
And he offered forty guineas for the cow. The owner said that forty guineas wasn’t much, but as a friend, he’d let it go. And so the deal was made. Mr. Grapevine got the cow and began leading it around to show off.
Soon, he saw a piper.
"Tweedle-dee, tweedle-dum," played the piper.
Children ran after him, and money seemed to pour into his pockets.
"Ah," thought Mr. Grapevine, "if only I had such a pipe! Then I’d be the happiest man in the world. And I’d get rich."
And he approached the piper.
"What a wonderful pipe you have, my friend!" he said. "It must bring you a fortune!"
"Oh, you can be sure of that," replied the piper. "I rake in piles of money. This pipe is just the thing!"
"If only I had one like it!" exclaimed Mr. Grapevine.
"Well," said the piper, "for a friend, I’d part with it. Take the pipe in exchange for that red cow!"
"Deal!" Mr. Grapevine agreed with delight.
And so the excellent red cow was traded for the pipe. Mr. Grapevine began walking back and forth with his new purchase. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t play a single tune on the pipe. The boys jeered, mocked, and kicked him, and his pockets remained empty.
Poor Mr. Grapevine decided it was time to go home, and his fingers were completely numb. As he was leaving the town, he met a man wearing warm woolen gloves.
"Oh, how cold my hands are," thought Mr. Grapevine. "If only I had such gloves! Then I’d be the happiest man in the world!"
He approached the man and said:
"Those are some fine gloves, my friend! Very nice!"
"Of course! It’s November, and I’m perfectly warm in them."
"Ah," sighed Mr. Grapevine, "if only I had a pair like that!"
"What would you give for them?" asked the man. And then he added:
"Perhaps, for a friend, I’d exchange them for that pipe of yours."
"Done!" exclaimed Mr. Grapevine.
He put on the gloves and trudged home, overjoyed.
He walked and walked until he was completely exhausted, and then he met a man holding a thick stick.
"If only I had that stick!" Mr. Grapevine said to himself. "Then I’d be the happiest man in the world!"
And he said to the man:
"What a stick you have, my friend! If only I had one like it!"
"It’s a good stick," agreed the man. "I’ve walked many miles with it as my faithful companion. But since you like it so much, I’d be willing to trade it for those gloves! For a friend, of course."
Mr. Grapevine’s hands were now warm, but his legs were so tired that he gladly agreed to the exchange.
Finally, Mr. Grapevine dragged himself back to the forest, found his wife, and told her everything.
"Oh, you fool, you empty-headed man!" Mrs. Grapevine scolded him. "Just look at this simpleton! He went to the fair and spent all his money on a cow. A whole forty guineas! But that’s not all—he traded the cow for a pipe. And the pipe isn’t even worth ten guineas! And you can’t even play it. What a fool! No sooner did you get the pipe than you traded it for gloves. And they’re not even worth two guineas! But that wasn’t enough for you—you traded them for some stick. And now, for forty guineas, you have nothing but this wretched stick. We’ve lost all our money, and it’s all because of you, you silly man!"
"Wait, wait, wife!" Mr. Grapevine couldn’t take it anymore. "Why are you shouting so? It seems to me we’re no poorer now than we were the day you broke our house?"
Mrs. Grapevine had no answer to that, and so they set off once again to seek their fortune in the world.

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Mr. Grape

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