The Carpenter from Arles

Once upon a time, there lived a carpenter in the city of Arles. He loved his craft passionately and, among other things, was an extraordinarily hospitable man. One day, two wanderers came to his house. One of them was a stout man with a big beard, and the other was small and skinny. As soon as the carpenter saw them, he immediately realized that they were no ordinary wanderers. The bearded man was none other than the Lord God Himself, and his companion was Saint Peter, the very one who holds the keys to the gates of Heaven. Well, alright. The carpenter recognized them but didn't let on. The bearded man approached him and asked:

"Would you be so kind as to feed us, good man?"

"With the greatest pleasure," replied the carpenter, and he prepared such a delicious meal for them that only empty plates remained on the table afterward. After they had eaten their fill, God loosened the belt around His belly and asked the carpenter how much they owed him for the meal.

"Not a single sou," answered the carpenter. "Even by your clothes, it's clear your purse is empty. Alright, we'll settle up another time."

God was surprised by such kindness and said:

"If that's the case, we shall reward you differently. Name three wishes, and I will surely grant them."

The carpenter was a clever man and immediately understood what an extraordinary opportunity had presented itself. He thought for a moment, and suddenly he heard Saint Peter whispering in his ear:

"Ask for a place in Heaven!"

The carpenter glanced at him, frowned, and said to God:

"I love playing cards. I wish I could always win!"

"Well, that's not a difficult matter. From this moment on, you shall always win. What is your second wish?"

At this, Saint Peter nudged the carpenter with his elbow and whispered again:

"Don't be a fool! Ask for a place in Heaven!"

"Don't interrupt me, Heaven is still far off," the carpenter chuckled and, turning away from Saint Peter, said to God: "I have a big bundle of linen lying here in the corner. I wish that whoever sits on it would be stuck there until I allow them to get up."

"Very well, so it shall be from now on. Now, what is your third and final wish?"

The carpenter thought again, and Saint Peter was beside himself, nudging the carpenter repeatedly:

"Think of Heaven! Ask for a place there!"

"Wait, don't bother me... Here's my final wish. I have a peach tree growing in my garden. Whoever climbs it shall remain there until I allow them to come down."

"Very well, this wish shall also be granted. Now, thank you for your hospitality, and farewell."

"Farewell, farewell," the carpenter bowed.

"Farewell, you fool, wallowing in sin!" grumbled Saint Peter. "We'll meet again, my friend."

And the travelers went on their way, leaving the hospitable carpenter with his joys and worries.

Years passed, the carpenter grew old, hunched over, and one day, Lady Death came to his house.

"Well, carpenter, you've lived a long life in this world. Now it's time to gather your things and come with me."

"Wait a moment," the carpenter requested, "I just need to change my shoes. In the meantime, sit on this bundle. It's soft."

"Hmm... Alright, I'll sit and rest. But don't take too long!"

Death sat on the bundle of linen and waited. Not even a minute had passed when the carpenter appeared before her.

"Ready already?" Death smirked. "Well, let's go!"

Death tried to rise from the bundle, but it was no use! She struggled once, twice, but to no avail. She remained stuck to the bundle as if glued. The carpenter, with his hands on his hips, laughed heartily:

"Gotcha, Old Scythe! Sit here and think about who you should be visiting. Meanwhile, I'll help good people: build a house for one, a barn for another, make a door or a frame for someone else... As you can see, I have plenty of work."

"Understand, I have work to do too!" said Death.

"Eh, your work isn't urgent, it can wait," the carpenter waved his hand.

Realizing that the old man had no intention of letting her go, Death pleaded:

"Let me go, dear! I won't interfere with your carpentry work. Believe me!"

"Alright, I'll let you go on one condition: don't come for me for at least another hundred years."

Death sighed—after all, it was a shame to lose the carpenter—but she agreed. The carpenter then allowed her to rise from the bundle. Death jumped up and dashed away without looking back.

A hundred years passed, and Death came to the carpenter again.

"Hello, friend!" she smiled broadly. "I've come for you; it's time to go!"

"Ah, it's you, Old Scythe! I'll be ready in a moment. In the meantime, climb that tree over there and enjoy some sweet peaches."

"That's true, your peaches are delicious!"

"Well, help yourself."

Death climbed the tree and began to feast on the juicy fruit. After eating her fill, she tried to climb down, but it was no use! She couldn't detach herself from the tree.

Death realized that the carpenter had fooled her once again.

"Gotcha, Old Hook! Sit on that tree."

"It's not convenient for me to be stuck here on the tree. Let me go home, carpenter, and I won't bother you for now."

"I'll let you go, but only on one condition: grant me another two hundred years of life, as I haven't finished all my carpentry work yet. Do you agree?"

"What can I do? I agree."

"Then swear that you won't come for me before the time is up."

"I swear, you rascal!"

"Alright, then climb down and be on your way! You can come for me in two hundred years."

"I'll definitely come for you then," Death muttered and disappeared.

Two hundred years passed, and Death came to the carpenter again. However, to avoid being fooled once more, she came at night. She grabbed the sleeping carpenter and dragged him straight to Heaven.

But the carpenter didn't make it to Heaven. As soon as Saint Peter saw him, he slammed the gates shut and began shouting at the top of his lungs:

"Away, you sinner! You didn't want a place in Heaven when you had the chance, now you can blame yourself. Take him, Old Hook, straight to Hell!"

But instead of Hell, Death first took the carpenter to Purgatory. And Purgatory wouldn't take him: he wasn't on the list.

Only then did Death take him to Hell. Well, as you know, Hell welcomes everyone!

"Come in, Mr. Carpenter, don't be afraid. We accept everyone here," a little devil standing guard at the gates explained politely.

"Thank you for the invitation, I'll have to stay with you for a while," the carpenter said gloomily and, as if by accident, transferred a new deck of cards from his jacket to his vest pocket. The little devil noticed and asked:

"Are you a gambler?"

"Of course! On Earth, no one could ever beat me. Well, here it's not about cards, of course. What a pity!"

"You're probably just boasting that you beat everyone. That can't be! You're lying, carpenter!"

"Lying?! If you want to know, I can even beat Satan himself!"

The little devil dragged the carpenter to Satan and told him about his boast. Satan listened, frowned, and then roared at the carpenter:

"What's this?! How dare you boast that you can even beat me, Satan?!"

"Don't be angry with me, Lord Satan, but I really can beat you."

"Hmm... You're bold, I see. Well, let's play then. But what will you wager?"

"As you can see, I have nothing but my soul. I'll wager my soul. If you win, take my soul, but if I win, let me go."

"Alright, let's do it."

And so they played. First, they played écarté, then marriage, three-card monte, joker, and every time Satan ended up losing.

The carpenter won the last game, and according to the agreement, they kicked him out and bolted the heavy door: let this carpenter never cross Satan's path again, or else he'd be in trouble!

The carpenter sat by the wall of Hell, rested, and then headed for the gates of Heaven. He arrived and knocked.

"Who's there?" Saint Peter's sleepy voice responded. "Ah, it's you again. You probably escaped from Hell by trickery? But you've come here in vain: there's no place for you and never will be. Why didn't you listen to me back then?"

"How was I to know it was you, Saint Peter?" the carpenter scratched his head sheepishly. "Have mercy on me, a poor soul, let me find a place here. I can't wander for eternity..."

"No, your place is in Hell. How did you manage to escape from there?"

The carpenter told Saint Peter how he had wagered his immortal soul, how he had played with Satan, how he had beaten him, and how they had kicked him out of Hell, even threatening him never to return.

As the carpenter told his story, all the inhabitants of Heaven gathered at the gates and, listening to his cheerful chatter, rolled with laughter. They liked the carpenter so much that they began to beg Saint Peter to let the poor man stay in Heaven. But Saint Peter wouldn't agree and, slamming the gates shut, turned the heavy key twice.

The carpenter looked at the locked gates, spat in frustration, and returned home to his workbench.

There, he probably lives and works to this day.

And if anyone wants to see for themselves, let them go to Arles, find the carpenter, and listen to his merry tales.

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The Carpenter from Arles

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