Lutonyushka
Once upon a time, there lived an old man and an old woman, and they had a son named Lutonya. One day, the old man and Lutonya were busy with something in the yard, while the old woman was inside the house. She started to take a log from the shelf, dropped it onto the stove, and then began to scream and wail at the top of her lungs. The old man heard the noise, rushed into the house, and asked his wife why she was screaming. The old woman, through her tears, said:"You see, if we had married off our Lutonyushka, and if he had a little son, and if that son were sitting here by the stove, I would have hurt him with the log!"
Well, the old man started to scream along with her, saying:
"That's right, old woman! You would have hurt him!" And they both cried out as loud as they could. Then Lutonya came running from the yard and asked:
"What are you screaming about?" They explained:
"If we had married you off, and if you had a son, and if he had been sitting here earlier, the old woman would have killed him with the log: it fell right here, and so sharply!"
"Well," said Lutonya, "good for you!" Then he grabbed his hat and said:
"Goodbye! If I find anyone dumber than you, I'll come back, but if I don't, don't expect me!"
And he left. He walked and walked and saw some men dragging a cow onto the roof of a house.
"Why are you dragging the cow?" asked Lutonya.
They replied:
"Well, you see how much grass has grown up there!"
"Oh, you fools!" said Lutonya. He climbed onto the roof, picked the grass, and threw it down to the cow.
The men were utterly amazed and begged Lutonya to stay with them and teach them.
"No," said Lutonya, "I have many such fools to find in this wide world!"
And he went on his way. In one village, he saw a crowd of men by a house: they had tied a horse collar to the gate and were trying to force a horse into it with sticks, nearly killing the poor animal.
"What are you doing?" asked Lutonya.
"Well, father, we're trying to harness the horse."
"Oh, you fools! Let me do it."
He took the collar and put it on the horse. The men were so astonished that they begged him to stay with them for at least a week. But no, Lutonya moved on.
He walked and walked, grew tired, and stopped at an inn. There he saw the old innkeeper woman who had cooked a porridge called salamata, set it on the table for her children, and kept going to the cellar with a spoon to fetch sour cream.
"Why are you wasting your time, old woman?" said Lutonya.
"Why?" the old woman croaked. "You see, father, the salamata is on the table, but the sour cream is in the cellar."
"Well, you should have brought the sour cream here; things would have gone much smoother!"
"Ah, you're right, dear!"
She brought the sour cream into the house and sat down with Lutonya. Lutonya ate his fill, climbed onto the sleeping platform, and fell asleep. When he wakes up, my tale will continue, but for now, that's all.
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