How a Peasant Taught the Tsar's General a Lesson
A man was digging a cellar and found a piece of gold. He cleaned it from the sand and thought: "What should I do with it? If I take it to the master, he’ll take it and give me nothing in return. If I take it to the tavern keeper, he’ll cheat me—he’ll say it’s not gold. If I keep it at home, thieves might steal it... No, I’d better take it to the king himself. Whatever he gives me, I’ll take it."The man put on a new coat, tied on new bast shoes, and set off to take the gold to the king. He walked for maybe a week, maybe two. Finally, he arrived at the royal capital. He approached the royal palace.
"Where are you going, old man?" asked the soldier on guard.
"To the king, my good sir."
"What for?"
"Well, I’m bringing him a piece of gold."
The soldier let the man through the gates. The man approached the royal chambers, where the king’s general himself stood guard.
"Where are you going, peasant?" the general barked sternly.
"To the king," the man replied.
"What for?"
"Well, I was digging a cellar in my garden and dug up a piece of gold. So I’m bringing it to the king—maybe he’ll give me something for it."
"Show me the gold," said the general. The man showed him the gold. The general looked at it, twirled his mustache, and said, "If you give me half of what the king gives you for the gold, I’ll let you through. If not, turn back."
"Alright, sir, I’ll give it to you!" the man agreed. The general reported to the king. The king came out, took the gold, and asked the man, "What should I give you for it, little man?"
"Nothing, Your Majesty. If you have something to offer, do me the kindness, for I’ve come a long way and I’m very hungry."
The king ordered his servants to bring the man a loaf of white bread and a bottle of wine.
The man looked at the offering and said, "Your Majesty! My grandfather and great-grandfather never ate such bread or drank such wine, and I’m not used to it either. Don’t you have some soldier’s bread and plain vodka?"
They brought the man some black soldier’s bread and plain vodka. The man ate his fill, drank a little, and thanked the king.
"Well, what else do you want, little man?"
"Nothing, Your Majesty. Now, allow me to dance in your chambers."
"Hey, bring the musicians!" the king shouted. The regimental band appeared.
"No," said the man, "I don’t know how to dance to such music."
"What kind of music do you dance to, then?"
"To the sound of a pipe."
They found a piper with a pipe. The piper began to play, and the man started dancing so vigorously that the royal chambers shook. He danced to his heart’s content, wore out his bast shoes, and then said, "Enough!"
The piper stopped playing.
"Now, Your Majesty," said the man, "I have one last request."
"What is it?"
"Well, I’ve made a lot of noise and dirtied your floors with my bast shoes, so give me a hundred lashes for it."
"Why do you want lashes?" asked the king. "You brought me gold!"
"No, Your Majesty, give me the lashes. I won’t leave without them."
Well, there was nothing to be done. The king called for the executioners with their whips. They laid the man on a bench. The executioners soaked the whips in saltwater and prepared to beat him.
But the man suddenly cried out, "Wait, Your Majesty! I have a partner."
"What partner?"
"Well, when I was coming to you, one of your generals wouldn’t let me through. He said, 'If you give me half of what the king gives you for the gold, I’ll let you pass.' I promised to give him half. So let him receive his half first—after all, he’s not my equal, and I must yield to him."
They brought the general in. When he saw the whips, he trembled all over and tried to say something, but his tongue wouldn’t obey. The man said, "Don’t be afraid, General, I won’t wrong you—I’ll give you your full share. Give him fifty lashes first, and then the rest to me."
They stripped the general, laid him on the bench, and began to whip him. When they had counted exactly fifty lashes, the man said, "Your Majesty! He serves you well, so give him my half too. I don’t mind..."
They gave the general another fifty lashes. And the man grabbed his hat and dashed out the door.
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