The Foolish Lady and the 'Clever' Gentleman

Well, there was a man who lived in a village. He was resourceful in everything. Whatever he set his mind to, he accomplished. And everything came easily to him.

One day, he decided he wanted to mock the gentry. He went to the manor's courtyard and saw a white sow with her piglets walking around. The man took off his hat and started bowing to the sow.

The lady of the house saw this from the balcony.

"Why are you bowing to my Belianka, peasant?" she asked.

The man scratched the back of his head and replied with concern:

"You see, ma'am, here's the thing: your sow Belianka is the dear aunt of my Ryabka. Ryabka is getting married, so she sent me to invite her aunt to the wedding. But the aunt is being fussy and doesn't want to go. That's why I'm bowing to her."

"I had no idea my Belianka had a niece!" the lady exclaimed in surprise.

"She does, she does!" the man said. "She's just as kind, gentle, and meek as her aunt."

"Are you going to lead her or take her by cart?" the lady asked.

"I'll lead her, ma'am. I don't have anything to carry her in."

"And what about the piglets? Will they stay home?"

"No, ma'am. Ryabka invited the aunt along with her little ones."

"But they're still so small. Will they make it?"

"That's true, ma'am," the man said. "They might not make it; the road is quite long."

"Then I'll order a horse to be harnessed."

"Of course, ma'am. It would be better for them on a cart; after all, they're not just any piglets—they're the lady's piglets."

In no time, a cart was brought to the man. He tied up Belianka, put her on the cart, and stuffed the piglets into a sack.

"How soon can we expect Belianka and her little ones back from the wedding?" the lady asked.

"After the rain on Thursday," the man replied.

He climbed onto the cart and drove home.

The master returned from hunting, and the lady told him that their Belianka had gone to her niece's wedding and would return after the rain on Thursday.

"Oh," the master said, "how foolish you are! That peasant has tricked you. We'll lose the sow, the piglets, and the cart. But he won't fool me!"

The master ordered a troika of horses to be harnessed, got into the carriage with the coachman, and raced after the peasant.

The troika flew down the road, leaving a cloud of dust behind, and the bell under the arch jingled loudly.

The peasant heard the bell and thought, "Is that a chase?" He turned the horse into the forest, tied it to a tree, and went back to the road. He covered a toad with his hat, sat down next to it, and held the hat with both hands.

The master approached.

"Get out of the way!" he shouted at the peasant.

"No, sir," the peasant said. "You'll have to go around. I can't move from this spot."

The master went around, then stopped and asked:

"Hey, peasant, have you seen a man with a sow and piglets pass by here?"

"I have, sir."

"Do you know where he went?"

"I do, sir."

"Then show us the way."

"I can't, sir. I can't lift my hands. But I'll tell you: go straight, then turn sharply to the right, then sharply to the left, and so on."

The master asked the coachman:

"Did you understand?"

"No, sir."

The master then asked the peasant:

"Could you catch up to him?"

"Why not? I'd catch him in no time!"

"Then catch him, and I'll pay you."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Well, here's the thing: my master was traveling this road, met another master, and that one gave him an exotic goldfinch. So my master ordered me to guard the goldfinch until he returns."

"Then go with my coachman, and I'll guard the goldfinch," the master said.

"No, sir, I can't. You might let the goldfinch go, and then I'd be in trouble."

"Then I'll guard it with the coachman, and you go catch him alone."

"No, I can't..."

"Here, take a hundred rubles—just catch him."

The peasant thought for a moment and said:

"Alright. But make sure you hold the hat tightly so the goldfinch doesn't fly away!"

The peasant took the hundred rubles, got into the master's carriage, and drove off. Along the way, he untied the bell, went into the forest, took the cart with Belianka, and headed home.

The master and the coachman sat over the hat for an hour—no sign of the peasant. They sat for another hour—still nothing. The coachman shook his head and said:

"The lady was foolish to give the peasant the horse, Belianka, and the piglets, but the master is even more foolish: he gave away a troika of his best horses with the carriage and a hundred rubles for some exotic goldfinch."

The master grew angry:

"What nonsense are you spouting, fool! It's impossible for a peasant to outsmart me! If I put out a notice, I'll find out whose goldfinch this is, and then I'll find the peasant."

They sat and sat over the hat until evening fell.

The coachman said:

"Sir, I'm hungry. It's time to go home."

The master was also hungry, and his arms were getting numb. He said:

"Let's take the goldfinch and go. I'll find that peasant later! I'll lift the hat, and you grab the goldfinch."

"Oh, sir," the coachman trembled, "I'm afraid I might let it go."

"Then you lift the hat, and I'll catch it. I'm not as clumsy as you!"

The coachman lifted the hat, and the master grabbed the toad with both hands! He looked around and started shouting and waving his arms...

The coachman laughed:

"Didn't I tell you the lady was foolish, and the master is even more foolish?"

"Quiet," the master begged the coachman, "at least don't tell the lady..."

And the master trudged home, looking as if he'd eaten soap.

More fairy tales

• The Wise Girl
• You Can't Be Satisfied with Stolen Goods
• The Thief Devil
• Give Away What You Didn't Leave at Home
• The Lost Word