Two Thieves

There once lived a thief. Everyone called him the Great Thief. One day, he set out to steal in a certain town. Whether he walked a lot or a little, he eventually met a man.
- "Hello!"
- "Hello!"
- "What’s your name, and what’s your craft?" asked the Great Thief.

- "My craft is thievery, and they call me the Little Thief," replied the man.

- "I’m a thief too. Let’s become brothers. What do you say?"

- "Agreed!"

They became brothers and set off to steal together. Along the way, the Great Thief said:

- "Well, show me how good you are at stealing!"
But the Little Thief replied:

- "It’s not for me to teach you. You’re the Great Thief—show me first how you steal."
The Great Thief agreed. Soon they saw a dove sitting on a poplar tree, cooing. The Great Thief said to the Little Thief:

- "I’ll climb this poplar, sneak up to the dove, and pluck out all its tail feathers so it won’t even notice."

He said this and began climbing the tree.

Before he had even reached halfway, the Little Thief quietly sneaked up to the tree, climbed it, and while the Great Thief was plucking the dove’s tail feathers, he managed to steal his pants. He hid them in his pocket and quietly climbed down. When the Great Thief came down, he proudly showed the dove’s tail to the Little Thief, but the Little Thief pulled out the pants from his pocket and handed them over. The Great Thief was left looking foolish. Then he said:

- "No matter how much people praise me, it seems you’re even better than me."
And so they tested each other and continued on their way. Along the road, the Little Thief asked the Great Thief:

- "Where are we stealing today?"

- "Why go far?" replied the Great Thief. "Today we’ll rob the treasury of this city’s king."

- "Good," agreed the Little Thief.

They stopped in the city. As soon as it got dark, the thieves took two large sacks and went to the royal treasury.

When they arrived, the Little Thief said:

- "You climb into the treasury and scoop out the money, and I’ll fill the sacks."
But the Great Thief disagreed:

- "You’re smaller than me, so it’s easier for you to climb in. I’ll wait here."
He talked and talked until he convinced the Little Thief.

The Little Thief climbed into the treasury and began scooping out the money. Meanwhile, the Great Thief stood outside, filling the sacks. When both sacks were full, he signaled to the Little Thief. The Little Thief came out, hoisted the sacks onto his back, and they went home.

The next morning, the king arrived at his treasury. He looked inside and gasped in shock. He called his advisors and began to consult them. The advisors thought and thought and came up with a plan: they brought a large vat, buried it in the ground right at the entrance, and filled it with tar.

The next day, the Little Thief said to the Great Thief:

- "Yesterday I went into the treasury. Today it’s your turn."

The Great Thief agreed and set off. But as soon as he stepped inside, he stumbled and fell into something sticky.

The Little Thief ran over, trying to pull him out, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t free his friend. Only the Great Thief’s head was visible—he was stuck up to his neck in tar. Soon morning came. What was the Little Thief to do? He didn’t think long—he grabbed his dagger, cut off the Great Thief’s head, carried it away, and hid it so no one could find it.

Then he went to the Great Thief’s wife and told her what had happened: "If I had left him alive, they would have pulled him out and forced him to talk—they would have caught and killed us all."

The next morning, the king was informed:

- "A thief fell into our trap, but he’s headless."
The king arrived, looked, and was amazed:

- "Glory to God, I never knew there were headless thieves."
Then he ordered:

- "Take the thief’s body and carry it to the square. Place guards around it. Whoever passes by, sees it, and cries must be his accomplice—catch them and bring them to me."

The Little Thief found out about this. He went to the Great Thief’s wife and said:

- "Be careful not to go, or they’ll catch you."
But the Great Thief’s wife pleaded:

- "I can’t help it. I’ll go, even if just from a distance, to look at him and cry. No one will notice."

- "Fine, if you must, go. But take a jug with you—pretend you’re fetching water. When you get close, trip over a stone, drop the jug, and break it. Then sit down and cry as if you’re grieving over the jug."

And so the Great Thief’s wife did. She carried a jug on her shoulder and set off. When she reached her husband’s body, she tripped over a stone, dropped the jug, and broke it. Then she sat down by the broken pieces and cried, mourning her husband while pretending to grieve over the jug. She cried her heart out, then stood up and left. The guards were puzzled, wondering why she was so upset over a broken jug.

The day passed. The guards came to the king, brought the thief’s body, and reported:

- "No one mourned this thief. Only one woman passed by, tripped over a stone, broke her jug, and grieved over it for a long time."

The king’s heart sank. He realized why the woman had been grieving, but it was too late. He had all the guards beheaded and devised a new plan.

He ordered the thief’s body to be taken outside the city and dumped in a field—perhaps someone close to him would come to steal it. He stationed guards nearby and commanded:

- "If anyone comes for the body, tie them up and bring them to me."
The petty thief learned about this, took his donkey, and drove it out of town. He arrived and stopped in a nearby village. He bought cookies, various jams, cooked chickens and turkeys, didn’t forget the wine, packed everything into a saddlebag, loaded it onto the donkey, and headed straight to the royal guards. He approached and shouted:

— Don’t you accept guests? I’ve come a long way, and I’m afraid I might get robbed at night. Let me stay overnight, and I’ll treat you to a good dinner.

As soon as the guards heard about the dinner, their stomachs growled, and they let him in. They sat down and began to have supper. The petty thief brought out the wine, pouring it for the guards, but didn’t take a single drop himself.

Once he had them all thoroughly drunk, he said:

— I’ll lie down and sleep now, but you keep an eye on my donkey so no one steals it. If I lose the donkey, I’ll report you to the king himself.

— Sleep, don’t worry, your donkey isn’t that tempting; no one will covet it! — said the guards.

The petty thief lay down, pretending to sleep, but kept an eye on them from under his eyelids. The guards didn’t last long; they all fell asleep, lying like the dead.

The petty thief got up, hoisted the corpse onto his back, carried it out, and placed it on the donkey. He drove the donkey home, then returned, lay down where he had been, and fell asleep.

The donkey lowered its head and ran off. It wasn’t the first time it had run home alone. It arrived and started banging on the door. The wife of the big thief came out, took the corpse, laid it on the couch, and began to wail and cry. After crying and easing her heart, she took the corpse, dug up the earthen floor under the couch, and buried it.

In the morning, the guards woke up and roused their guest. As soon as the petty thief came to, he immediately looked for his donkey; they saw it was gone.

The petty thief shouted:

— I’ll go straight to the king and report you.

The guards, already half-dead from losing the corpse, were now completely terrified.

They pulled out money, showered the guest with gifts, and begged him—they barely managed to persuade him. And that’s exactly what the thief wanted: he stole the corpse and got the money.

The guards appeared before the king—he had them all beheaded.

And still, the king achieved nothing. He came up with a new trick: he ordered the entire street to be strewn with gold, posted guards on either side, and commanded:

— Keep watch. If anyone passes by and picks up the money, that person is the thief’s friend and accomplice—seize them and bring them to me.

The petty thief learned about this too. He was so overjoyed he didn’t know what to do. He took a buffalo hide, made himself some sandals, smeared the soles with tar, and carried them with him. He approached the street, sat down, changed into the new sandals, stood up, and walked along the gold-strewn street. He walked, singing something to himself, holding his head high, not even glancing at the gold. He walked the length of the street, removed all the gold that had stuck to his sandals, buried it in the ground, stood up, and walked back. He reached the other end of the street, sat down again, removed the gold that had stuck to his feet, buried it, and walked again. He wandered back and forth along that street until evening and gathered nearly all the gold.

In the evening, the guards collected what was left, brought it to the king, and said:

— No one took the money, only some man walked up and down the street from morning till evening.

The king was furious that they hadn’t seized the man and had these guards beheaded as well.

Again, the king summoned all his advisors and began to consult. The king had a wise doe: when released from its tether, it would run and sit by the house where the king’s enemies lived. The advisors remembered this doe: “Let’s release it; wherever it sits, that’s where your enemy and the thief’s accomplice live.”

The king liked this advice. They released the doe. The doe ran and ran and sat down by the very house where the petty thief lived.

The petty thief woke up and saw the royal doe sitting by his gate. The thief had heard about this doe before, and now, seeing it, he immediately understood why it was there.

He went out, grabbed the doe, dragged it into the house, slaughtered it, cut it up, and hung it from the ceiling.

Meanwhile, the king searched and searched for his doe, turning the entire kingdom upside down. But no, they couldn’t find it; the doe was gone. The king gathered his advisors and told them what had happened. The advisors were speechless, not knowing what to say.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, an old woman appeared. She came to the king and said:

— I’ve heard you’ve lost your doe. What will you give me if I find the one who killed it?

— Whatever you ask, I’ll give, — said the king.

— Will you give me nobility?

— I’ll even give you a principality. What’s nobility compared to that! — said the king.

The old woman stood up and went searching.

She wandered and wandered until she reached the house of the petty thief.

The petty thief wasn’t home, but the wife of the big thief looked out.

The old woman said:

— Daughter, do you have a piece of doe meat? Give it to me for a sick person, for heaven’s sake.

The wife, not knowing the old woman’s intentions, went inside, cut her a piece of the doe’s meat, and gave it to her.

The old woman could barely stand from joy. She grabbed the meat and ran. As she ran, she met the petty thief...

— What is it, old woman, that you’re carrying?
— I was told to get some venison for a sick person, and in that house over there, may God bless her, a woman gave me a small piece, — said the old woman.

The young thief immediately understood what was going on. He realized the cunning old woman’s trick and said:
— How will this little piece of meat help you? Come, come, I’ll give you half a deer. You’ll eat some yourself, feed your neighbors, and still have some left for the sick person.

The old woman was so overjoyed that her head spun. She turned and followed the thief. But the young thief lured her into a house, pulled out a dagger, and killed her. Then he took her body and buried it right there, under the couch.

Meanwhile, the king waited and waited, thinking the old woman would return any moment.
Time passed, but the old woman never came back. The king lost hope and gathered his advisors again, saying:
— What should we do now? Will we never deal with this thief?
The advisors replied:
— It seems this thief is so clever and cunning that we cannot handle him.

Then the king stood up and declared:
— Let the thief come to me himself. I won’t harm him; I’ll even give him my daughter in marriage. He must be extremely clever to have caused me so much trouble, and yet I can’t do anything to him.

The young thief heard about this, appeared before the king, and announced:
— I am the thief. Do with me as you wish.

The king couldn’t go back on his word and gave him his daughter in marriage.

A neighboring king heard about this and began writing mocking letters to the king:
— Aren’t you ashamed, king? Some thief has brought you to the point where he’s taken your daughter as his wife and become your son-in-law.

The king was deeply hurt by this mockery. He couldn’t bear it, fell ill, and took to his bed.

His son-in-law came to him and asked:
— What’s troubling you?

The king told his son-in-law everything.
— Is that all that’s bothering you? — said the son-in-law. — Give me a few days, and you’ll be the one laughing at that king. Call your guests on such-and-such a day, throw a grand feast, and I’ll return by then.

He set the date and left.

After some time, he reached the kingdom of the mocking king. He stopped at a house to rest, then went and found a tailor, saying:
— Sew me a suit made of leather in all sorts of colors, and insert small jingling bells between the seams.

The tailor made the suit from multicolored leather. The thief paid him, put on the suit, took a sword that gleamed in the sun, and went to the king. The courtiers tried to stop him, but the thief shouted:
— I am Mikhael-Gabriel, sent by God Himself to take the souls of your king and queen to paradise. If you oppose me, I’ll take your souls straight to hell!

As he moved, the bells jingled and chimed.

Everyone was terrified, their breath caught in fear, and they scattered and hid wherever they could.

The thief entered the king’s chamber. The king saw him and turned pale. The so-called Mikhael-Gabriel began:
— I give you and the queen three days. Finish all your earthly affairs, hand over your kingdom to whomever you wish, then strip naked, get into two chests, and place the keys on top. In three days, I’ll return, lock the chests, and take you where you need to go.

With that, he turned and left.

He went home, changed out of the suit, and spent the next three days drinking and celebrating.

On the third day, he dressed in the colorful suit again and went to the king. The king and queen had stripped naked, climbed into their chests, and were waiting, trembling. The thief arrived and shouted:
— When we reach paradise, you’ll hear music. I’ll open the chests, and you must jump out and start dancing. But be careful—don’t open your eyes, or it will go badly for you.

He took the keys, locked the chests, hoisted them onto his back, and carried them out. He loaded the chests onto a donkey and led it away, quietly urging it on:
— Giddy-up! Giddy-up!

At the appointed time, he arrived at his father-in-law’s palace. The king had invited many guests from neighboring kingdoms that day, and the festivities were so joyful that even time itself seemed to rejoice. When the thief arrived and unloaded the chests from the donkey, beautiful music began to play.

He opened the chests, and the naked king and queen jumped out, dancing and making fools of themselves. Everyone laughed at their antics, nearly dying of laughter.

The king approached them, stopped them, handed them royal robes, and said:
— It’s too early for you to go to the afterlife. Return to your kingdom and rule it justly. Let this be a lesson to you not to mock others in the future.

After this, the king loved his son-in-law even more. And when he died, he left his entire kingdom to him.

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Two Thieves

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