What Lesson the Emperor Gave to the Schildburgers

By the time the news of the wisdom of the Schildburgers spread across the world, a lot of time had passed. However, the rumor of their buffoonery and stupidity spread like lightning through all countries, and very soon there was no one on earth who had not heard of their antics. But, to be honest, there is nothing surprising in that. After all, ever since we humans lost our wisdom and became fools, we most often ask about foolish pranks, and wisdom is of no use to us. That's exactly what happened with the Schildburgers. It took many years for people to hear about their intelligence and wisdom, but the rumor of their foolishness spread far and wide before they even became true fools.

One day, the emperor of the country where the Schildburgers lived arrived on imperial business in a town near Schilda. The locals began to tell him about the unheard-of antics of the Schildburgers. The emperor was very surprised—in previous years, he himself had often sought the wise advice of the Schildburgers. But since he had to wait for all his vassals to gather in the town, he ordered to be taken to Schilda to see for himself whether everything was as he had been told or if it was just idle gossip.

In this, he acted like a certain good apprentice. That apprentice also wanted to see everything for himself, and one day, after making his wife promise to keep her mouth shut and not tell anyone, he whispered to her in secret that their neighbor had laid an egg. Within half an hour, his wife, of course, also in secret, told her neighbor about it, but by then it was already about a pair of eggs. That neighbor, in turn, secretly told her daughter-in-law, adding yet another egg. And so it went: the further it spread, the more eggs there were. By nightfall, the whole village knew that the apprentice's neighbor had laid a dozen eggs in one day. And it all started with just one egg.

The wise emperor first sent a messenger to Schilda with news of his imminent arrival. He also instructed the messenger to tell the Schildburgers (perhaps wanting to test whether they were truly fools or just pretending) that he not only confirmed the ancient rights and privileges of the town of Schilda but would grant them even greater freedom if the townspeople, in response to his welcoming speech, replied with a fitting rhyme. He told them to ponder this task, and when he arrived in Schilda, they should greet him "half-riding, half-walking."

The poor Schildburgers were terrified by this news—they were more frightened than a cat spotting a dogcatcher from afar. They were most afraid that the emperor would see through their trick: after all, it's well known that lords see much farther than ordinary mortals, their arms are long, and no matter how far away you are, they will catch you. And who knows, perhaps the emperor, in his anger, would force the Schildburgers to take off their fool's caps and make them start all over again.

And they had good reason to worry: it's no small matter to become fools of your own accord, without asking for the emperor's permission, and to play the fool in earnest!

Frightened, the Schildburgers remembered their former wisdom and quickly found a way out of their predicament.

First, they tidied up the barn and the kitchen—this was to greet the emperor in the most dignified manner. Then they pondered what to do about the town mayor. The previous one had played the fool so well that he was no longer suitable for sensible townsfolk—they needed to elect a new one. And so, to avoid offending anyone, the Schildburgers decided that since the emperor expected a fitting rhyme in response to his speech, they would appoint as mayor the one who came up with the best rhyme by morning.

With that, they went home. And it must be said, there was not a single one among them who did not dream of becoming the town mayor that night.

The swineherd was the most consumed by this thought. "I've been commanding a herd of pigs for a long time. Surely I can manage the Schildburgers!" He tossed and turned all night, pushing his wife around. She, being a practical woman, had saved something for a rainy day from her former wisdom. She asked her husband why he was so troubled. The swineherd remained silent for a long time, but finally, he couldn't hold back and told her about his dream.

Upon learning why her husband was so distressed, the swineherd's wife began to dream of becoming the mayor's wife.

"My dear husband!" she said. "Don't torment yourself in vain. Instead, tell me what you'll give me if I come up with the most fitting rhyme for you?"

"I'll give you a fur coat!" blurted out the swineherd.

His wife had long been yearning for a fur coat. She leaned close to his ear and whispered:

"Everyone says, my lords,
That no beast is dirtier than a pig,
But I say, my lords,
That no beast is tastier than a pig!"

And so that her husband wouldn't forget the rhyme, she repeated it exactly ninety-nine times.

Meanwhile, dawn broke, and it was time to go to the town hall.

And there, as many Schildburgers as there were, that many rhymes they brought with them! I can only regret that not all of them have stayed in my memory.

The first to speak was the oldest Schildburger. He said:

"Though I'm just a simple man,
I can also... tell rhymes."

"Is that the best you could come up with?" shouted another Schildburger. "Get out of here! I want to be the mayor! Listen to my rhyme!"

"Since childhood, I've been called Hans,
But I won't let anyone... harm my children."

"Is that all?" sneered a third Schildburger. "I can do better than that. Listen to what I came up with:

"If you want a bountiful harvest,
In spring, haul manure and don't... be lazy."

But this rhyme didn't please a fourth Schildburger. He pushed the third aside and said his own:

"As you sow,
So shall you... reap."

No sooner had he finished than a fifth stepped forward:

"Whoever tells tales out of tune,
I'd be ready to... hang them."

One by one, they presented their rhymes, while the swineherd stood there, neither alive nor dead. He was afraid someone might steal his rhyme. But finally, it was his turn. And though he had repeated his wife's rhyme to himself almost a thousand times, what came out was slightly different:

"Everyone says, my lords,
That no beast is tastier than a pig,
But I say, my lords,
That no one is wiser than my wife!"

Hearing this, the councilors exclaimed in unison:

"Look at that! He really came up with something clever!"

They immediately began voting and, of course, elected the swineherd as the town mayor.

The Schildburgers reasoned thus: this one would surely know how to please His Majesty and keep him company.

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What Lesson the Emperor Gave to the Schildburgers

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