What Doesn't Happen in the World
Once upon a time, there lived a wealthy gentleman, so rich that he didn’t know what to do with his money. He ate and drank lavishly, dressed in fine clothes, and hosted so many guests every day that some people didn’t even have that many on holidays. Yet, his wealth never diminished; in fact, it only grew.One day, the gentleman decided to play a joke on a simple-minded peasant, both for his own amusement and that of his guests.
He summoned the poorest peasant from the village and said to him:
"Listen, peasant. I’ll give you a small sum of money, but only if you can tell me what doesn’t exist in this world. These days, people have achieved everything: they ride on devils, fly through the skies, and even send bast shoes to St. Petersburg via wire. So tell me: what doesn’t exist in this world?"
The peasant scratched the back of his head.
"I don’t know," he said. "Seems like everything exists in this world, sir. Give me until tomorrow—maybe I’ll come up with something."
"Alright, go and think about it," said the gentleman. "Come back tomorrow with your answer."
The peasant stayed up until the rooster crowed, trying to solve the gentleman’s riddle. He thought and thought, but whatever he came up with, he doubted: "Maybe this does exist, and I just don’t know about it. Well, I’ll just say something random—maybe I’ll get lucky!"
The next day, he returned to the gentleman.
"So, peasant, do you know what doesn’t exist in this world?"
"One thing, sir: no one wears an axe as a belt or tucks their legs into the axe handle."
The gentleman smirked, and the guests chuckled; they saw that the peasant, though simple, wasn’t a fool. The gentleman had to give him the money. But whether he was stingy or wanted to play another joke, who knows? He said to the peasant:
"You’ve come up with something, my friend. We certainly don’t do that here, but in foreign lands, it’s quite common. Go with God until tomorrow. Think of something else and bring your answer."
The peasant spent another night thinking. No matter what he came up with, his hopes of getting the gentleman’s money seemed slim. "Those Germans are clever—maybe everything exists in their lands. Well, I’ll say something else!"
The next morning, he returned to the gentleman.
"So, peasant, does everything exist in this world?"
"Not everything, sir: a woman doesn’t become a priest, and a maiden doesn’t conduct mass."
Everyone chuckled, but the gentleman still didn’t give him the money.
"No," he said, "that happens too; in Germany, everything is like that. Go, think one last time. If you come up with something, take the money, but don’t be angry if you don’t."
The peasant spat in frustration on his way home, thinking, "It seems the only thing that doesn’t exist is me having any money!"
Still, after another night, he went back to the gentleman. "I’ll tell him all sorts of nonsense," he thought. "Maybe something will turn out to be unbelievable."
"Well, what do you have to say?" asked the gentleman. "Have you figured out what doesn’t exist in this world?"
"Everything exists, sir," said the peasant. "I thought people couldn’t reach the heavens, but I’ve been there myself, so now I believe even that exists."
"How did you get to heaven?"
"My late wife wanted me to visit, so she sent a carriage for me: two cranes harnessed together. I met her and the children, and then I returned to your grace."
"And you came back with the cranes?"
"No, I jumped back."
"How did you not die, little peasant?"
"Well, I sank up to my ears in the ground—it wasn’t too hard."
"And how did you get out of the ground?"
"Heh... how? I went home, brought a shovel, dug myself out, and climbed out."
"Did you see my late father, the master, in heaven?"
"Of course, he allowed me to kiss his hand."
"Well, what is he doing there?" asked the gentleman.
The peasant, quick-witted, replied:
"What is the late master doing? Washing my children’s diapers."
"You’re lying, you fool!" shouted the gentleman. "That doesn’t exist in this world—a master serving a serf! Take your money and stop talking nonsense!"
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