Ivan the Fool
Once upon a time, there lived an old man and an old woman. They had three sons: two were clever, and the third was Ivan the Fool. The clever ones tended the sheep in the field, while the fool did nothing but sit on the stove and catch flies.One day, the old woman cooked some rye dumplings and said to the fool:
"Here, take these dumplings to your brothers; let them eat."
She filled a pot and handed it to him. He trudged off to his brothers. It was a sunny day; as soon as Ivan stepped outside the village, he saw his shadow beside him and thought:
"Who is this person? He walks beside me, not a step behind: surely, he wants some dumplings?" And he began throwing dumplings at his shadow, tossing every last one. He looked, and the shadow still walked beside him.
"What a bottomless pit!" said the fool angrily and hurled the pot at it—the shards scattered in all directions.
He arrived empty-handed to his brothers, who asked:
"You fool, what did you do?"
"I brought you lunch."
"Where is it? Hand it over!"
"Well, brothers, some stranger latched onto me on the way and ate it all!"
"What stranger?"
"There he is! He's still standing right here!"
The brothers scolded him, beat him, and thrashed him; then they made him tend the sheep while they went to the village for lunch.
The fool began tending the sheep; seeing them scattered across the field, he started catching them and gouging out their eyes. He caught them all, gouged out their eyes, gathered the flock into a pile, and sat there pleased, as if he'd done a great deed. The brothers returned after lunch.
"What have you done, fool? Why is the flock blind?"
"Why do they need eyes? When you left, brothers, the sheep scattered, so I thought: I'll catch them, gather them, and gouge out their eyes—what a job I did!"
"Wait, you'll have more work to do!" said the brothers, and they began pummeling him; the fool got quite a beating!
Some time passed, and the old folks sent Ivan the Fool to town to buy supplies for the holiday. Ivan bought everything: a table, spoons, cups, and salt; he loaded a whole cart with all sorts of things. On his way home, the horse was so sluggish: it pulled but barely moved!
"What if," thought Ivan, "the horse has four legs, and the table has four legs too, so the table can run by itself."
He took the table and set it on the road. He rode on, with crows circling above, cawing.
"Surely, the sisters want to eat, that's why they're cawing!" thought the fool. He set the dishes with food on the ground and began serving:
"Dear sisters! Eat to your heart's content."
And he moved on.
Ivan rode through a grove; along the way, there were burnt stumps.
"Eh," he thought, "the poor fellows are without hats; they'll catch a cold, poor things!"
He took pots and jars and put them on the stumps. Ivan reached the river and tried to water the horse, but it wouldn't drink.
"Surely, it needs salt!" And he began salting the water. He poured out a whole sack of salt, but the horse still wouldn't drink.
"Why won't you drink, you wolf's meat? Did I pour out a sack of salt for nothing?"
He hit it with a log, right on the head—and killed it on the spot. Ivan was left with only a bag of spoons, which he carried on his back. As he walked, the spoons clinked: clink, clink, clink! He thought the spoons were saying: "Ivan the Fool!" He threw them down and began stomping on them, saying:
"Here's Ivan the Fool for you! Here's Ivan the Fool for you! You dare tease me, you worthless things!"
He returned home and told his brothers:
"I bought everything, brothers!"
"Thanks, fool, but where are the supplies?"
"The table is running, but it must have fallen behind; the sisters are eating from the dishes; I put pots and jars on the stumps for the poor fellows; I salted the horse's water; and the spoons were teasing me—so I left them on the road."
"Go, fool, quickly! Gather everything you scattered on the road!"
Ivan went to the forest, took the jars off the burnt stumps, knocked out the bottoms, and strung a dozen jars of all sizes on a stick. He carried them home. The brothers beat him again; they went to town themselves to buy supplies, leaving the fool to mind the house. The fool listened as the beer in the barrel bubbled and bubbled.
"Beer, stop bubbling! Don't tease the fool!" said Ivan.
But the beer didn't listen; he let it all out of the barrel, sat in a trough, and rode around the house singing songs.
The brothers returned, furious, grabbed Ivan, sewed him into a sack, and dragged him to the river. They left the sack on the bank and went to inspect the ice hole.
At that moment, a gentleman rode by in a troika of bay horses. Ivan began shouting:
"They're making me a judge to pass judgments, but I don't know how to judge or pass judgments!"
"Wait, fool," said the gentleman, "I know how to judge and pass judgments; climb out of the sack!"
Ivan climbed out, sewed the gentleman into the sack, and rode off in his carriage. The brothers returned, lowered the sack under the ice, and listened; the water bubbled.
"Surely, he's catching burbot!" said the brothers and went home.
Suddenly, Ivan came riding toward them in the troika, boasting:
"Look at the fine horses I caught! And there's still a gray one left—such a beauty!"
The brothers grew envious and said to the fool:
"Sew us into a sack and lower us into the ice hole quickly! That gray one won't escape us..."
Ivan the Fool lowered them into the ice hole and rode home to finish the beer and remember his brothers.
Ivan had a well, and in the well swam a fish called an ide. And that's the end of my tale.
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